The holiday season is difficult for me it begins on thanksgiving eve and goes through new years day. Why is it difficult for me is that years ago my sister in-law died suddenly on thanksgiving eve . Soon after thanksgiving is my birth day which has always been treated as an after thought since my grandmother died. I was born an day early for my grandmothers birthday present. after my birthday comes christmas night were we lost my best friends youngest son Grifyn he was an especially brave child. Finally we get to new years day this is the day I lost my grandmother as a nine year old. We also just lost a good friends premature baby shortly after new years.
this makes for a bad season on top of my medical issues from PCS, CHI, & TBI.
Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS)
Closed Head Injury (CHI)
Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)
These are all the result of two serious concussions with in a very short period of time. There may or may not have been others that went unrecorded that have helped to compound the issues. I have some serious cognitive problems that I try hard to disguise , maybe I should not. I have issue with migraines one of the key triggers is stress. I have serious issues with short term memory, issues with being in crowded noisy places. I fight PSC depression every day , I am too strong mentally to give in. The Dr's say that my ability to fight depression is the best thing for me as, I can rationalized not slipping in to depression. I do not sleep well at all since the last concussion this only serves to further compound any and all symptoms. I also have little to no control of my emotions as such I am quite fragile in this regard it can cause serious migraines that last days/ weeks/ months.
I am a trained cyclist as such I was trained to ignore or push away paint to continue on. I am now told that this is almost certainly the worst thing for my issues. I ignored an underlying migraine for seven years. I would only notice it when it was at a severe point that would have crippled most people. I now see a pain Dr who specializes in head injury cases he is teaching me to recognize the pain. This Dr. is also preforming trigger point therapy , it is quite painful the day of but the next day can almost be euphoric like. Trigger point therapy involve needle into the muscles and stimulating them via manipulation or electric shock. This Dr. also preform acupuncture in the same visit, these visits are long and require my day be clear as the rest of the day is agonizing.
I have been out of work for over two years now I was on my fallback career as a bicycle mechanic until the economy crashed. what can i and can't i do is a big question which was suppose to be helped found by a couple of programs. Unfortunately one program is dragging their feet I was admitted over a year ago but have not been assigned a case worker. Another program I have been in for 9 moths is suppose to help me find a job, find what skills and options are available. the only thing the last has done for me is help with making a new and more professional resume.
There have been some serious issues recently with a few family members and their emergency room visits, that have caused me to have stress induced debilitating migraines. As stated previously I have no control of the emotional flow , several time the ER staff also wanted to treat me too while there.
that is all for now
I miss my Grandmother
I miss Grifyn
holidays are not capitalized on purpose this is how I see them now
January 28, 2011
April 22, 2008
Well now I have had this name and space held is limbo long enough. You will see no political nor religious dogma here. You may from time to time read the loathing of low brows and their ineptness.
Now as the the reason for the name of the blog, I was put on the shelf over four years ago by an automotive driver who thinks they are the reason for roads. I suffered a grade 2 concussion the second successive on in two years. It was a very dark world for a year and a half. If it were not for friends and my stubbornness I may have slipped in to a deadly post concussion depression. Problems still to this day persists from this attempt on my life. I have lost so much , fighting back is the only thing I can do to keep sane. I am back on the bike going now just for mental and physical fitness. It is not pretty but it will eventually work out aboard my new steed.
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